Jhala Beans

The Sauna

2010-09-27T22:24:00.001-07:00

There's something mesmerizing about staring at a blank wall.

White tiles. Dripping moisture. Wet heat.

The sweat swallows my pores and I breathe in the moment. I drift away in the fog and catch a fleeting thought. Thankfully it fades in the mist.

My mind is blank. T_I_M_E_O_U_T

Sometimes I Shave My Head Because I Choose To.

2010-04-13T16:08:00.000-07:00

I used tell people: "Ya but I'm warning you, I'm crazy". It was a disclaimer so that when I'd wear out of the ordinary stuff or do un-normal things I could be like: "See, I told you I was crazy". I had this weird thing about being weird and being judged about my weirdness. So I thought if I warn people in advance, then they could expect me to do or wear strange wacky things and not have a heart attack about it.

I knew I loved being weird but often times I would let this get in the way. I would want to do something, but I would be worried about how people would perceive me. I mean, let's get real, we live in a judgmental world. We all make judgments whether we realize it or not. It is human nature and our neurological circuits are designed that way. Judgments are a shortcut for your brain to recognize information that it has already encountered. If I see a guy that looked like he just walked off the show Jersey Shore, I might automatically presume that he is self-centered and conceited. Essentially my brain is taking a short cut, called a heuristic. It has seen something similar before (Jersey Shore) and associates it with any attributes that are attached to it (self-centered and conceited).

In psychology, heuristics are simple, efficient rules, hard-coded by evolutionary processes or learned, which have been proposed to explain how people make decisions, come to judgments, and solve problems, typically when facing complex problems or incomplete information. These rules work well under most circumstances, but in certain cases lead to systematic errors or cognitive biases. Essentially, he could have been the nicest guy in the world but I let my heuristic type him as a jerk.

So I chose to take a leap. I chose not to listen to my worries of what people thought of me. I chose to be who I am no matter what. I chose to embrace my weirdness because it is how I express myself in life. And so I shaved my head.

If I let fear stop myself then I am depriving me of me and I am depriving the world of me. Imagine if everyone in the world was fully expressed and fulfilled in their lives. Do you think we'd have world peace? I certainly think that the world would have much more creativity, passion and innovation if everyone fulfilled on their dreams. I now realize that I do not need to put up any warning labels about who I am. I can just be who I wanna be without caring what other people think. I can be fully self-expressed because it makes me happy. In fact, people appreciate me more for it.

Sometimes I shave my head because I choose to. And there's nothing more to it.

If there is something that you have always wanted to do, but felt stopped for whatever reason, please share. Then just do it.

Charisma. A Charming Attribute.

2010-04-07T13:22:00.000-07:00

Charisma is the ability to positively influence others by connecting with them physically, emotionally and intellectually.

This gives anyone the power and gift of charisma.

From Professional to Personal

2010-04-06T14:26:00.000-07:00

As I am always looking to expand professionally, I often visit a sales coaching site to get my daily dose of insight. I often find that they tell a tale that not only applies to the professional world, but also my personal world. If I truly want to encompass a skill, I apply it to every area of my life. Not just work. I've also noticed that the principles really can be so simple yet so effective. Here is an example below...

How to Build a Lasting Relationship

Effective Communication is the Key

Remember that permanent relationships are built on trust, respect, understanding, kindness, thoughtfulness, acceptance, appreciation, consistency, and unselfishness. Saying "please" and "thank you" for favors or a job well done are friend-makers and relationship-builders. Since we treat people like we see them, we should seriously look for the best in others, because this is a great relationship-builder and brings out the best in ourselves.

Happy, long-term relationships involve frequent compromise which is the only constructive alternative to fighting. Compromise is not denying right and wrong; it's admitting that both sides can have some right and both sides can have some wrong. If harmony is our end, then compromise is our means.

Winning relationships are built by leaving many things unsaid. Combine this with the ability to express displeasure or disappointment in an incident without any thought of taking punitive action, and you'll avoid many relationship crises. All long-lasting relationships are built on the understanding that both parties must get something out of the relationship.

When the other person does things that irritate you, nip problems in the bud by suggesting that the two of you sit down and talk about them. Open the conversation with, "It bothers me when ... Not that you did it wrong, but it bothers me." The other person is not a mind-reader. Don't expect him or her to know what's on your mind and cater to what you consider to be an obvious need or desire. Communicate with them.

When you offend someone, you should quickly apologize and ask for forgiveness. Otherwise, the problem festers, and the relationship suffers.

F___ Cancer!

2010-03-02T16:24:00.000-08:00

51% of people die from cancer. Half. One in two people. That's your mom or your dad. That's your sister or your brother. That's me or you. 60% of cancer is PREVENTABLE. "The Answer to Cancer" has made some cancers REVERSIBLE.
It's time to fight back! F____ cancer!

Support my friends that are standing for the cause!
Ride to Conquer Cancer:
http://www.conquercancer.ca/goto/brentakhurst
F____ Cancer:
www.letsfcancer.com
The Answer to Cancer Conference:
www.acancerfreesociety.com

Long Live McQueen

2010-02-13T00:57:00.000-08:00

Suicide: A selfish tragedy. With the shocking death of the Great Alexander McQueen, the world suffers a monumental loss. He was a creature of his own species. A one-of-a-kind. The last unicorn.

Population: one has now dwindled to population: none.

It really is a shame that one can feel there is no other option but the end. Ending your own life is selfish because it is the ones that are left behind that suffer. You always have a choice and there is always a way out.

Long live McQueen!

.::Part 1::. Hand Me Up!

2010-02-04T19:03:00.000-08:00

Fashion.
I love my shoes.
I love my clothes.
I love my stuff.
Fashion.

At what point does it become too much? It seems like the western world has become consumed with an excess amount of "stuff". At this day in age, we are so spoiled and we don't even realize it. I know I'm spoiled. Fashion is something that I love. Some could even say I'm obsessed. When I'm studying, I often catch myself day dreaming about that dress I saw online the other day. Let's get real here. I could spend a full 8 hrs browsing through different online clothing stores. I mean, if I got paid to do that, I'd be rich!!! (and then i could buy more clothes... haa haa). Sometimes I go shopping and I buy things for no reason. They get worn once or sit in my closet and never see the light of day.

Through my many humbling experiences in travel, I have learned that those with the least amount of stuff are truly the most generous. Generous in every way. Generous with their hospitality, generous with their giving, generous with their time, generous with their kindness. It seems like they don't have all this stuff that clouds our vision and clutters our life. They have so little yet they have so much to offer.

When I was in Portugal a few years back, I met a man. He was old. He had wrinkles. He was poor. But he had the warmest smile. He lived in a small fishing town off the Algarve coast. As his fellow neighbors and visitors stepped off the train, he would be there to greet them and welcome them to his town as he circled around on his battered bicycle. It seemed like that was all he did all day. He welcomed me and my friend. At the time I had to pee. Really really bad. I asked him if he knew where the bathroom was. He said follow me... He rode his bike and we followed. We came up to this little shack. As he opened the door, he was gleaming with pride. "This is my home", he said with a joyful smile. It was literally a hole in the wall the size of my bathroom- and NOT my master bathroom. In it was his bed, his kitchen, his sink, which was also the toilet.

After using his toilet slash sink, he invited us in for some tea. He told us his amazing life story as a refugee, escaping from civil war in Africa. With his broken english we laughed and joked around. He wanted us so badly to stay and watch the soccer match at a local pub. But the last train left at 9 pm and the game would only start at that time. He offered us his bed and a couple beers. He said he would sleep outside on a bench. His generous giving opened my eyes. He was willing to offer everything, for who? For strangers- yet he treated us like family.

So I wanted to create a challenge for myself and others in the name of generous giving. The aim is to create a paradigm shift in the way we relate to "stuff". Rather than "Who I am is my clothes", we shift to "Who I am is creativity and full-self expression. The result of this is my unique style and art".

The challenge for this project is to give up one of your FAVORITE items or outfits in your closet. Yes yes- I know. Tears will be shed when my favorite cocktail dress and set of heels are being peeled away from my tiny little claws. But think about it... when we donate our clothes we usually give away the leftovers that nobody wants. The crap. The unwanted. The rags. What we want to create is true GENEROUS giving. Make it a "Hand Me Up" instead of a "Hand Me Down".

Target donors: any shoppaholics or fashion-loving peeps!

Result: Gain freedom from attachment to "stuff" and allow someone less fortunate to enjoy things they would not usually get the opportunity to enjoy!

How do you relate to stuff? What does it mean to you? Why are we so attached?

Stay tuned for more details...

Fashion.
I love my creativity.
I love my self-expression.
I love my style.
Fashion.

What animal am I and why?

2009-12-10T14:49:00.000-08:00

I've been doing a project for the last month or so where I interview the people in my life about myself. This includes friends, family, ex boyfriends, even acquaintances. The goal is to get how I occur to them in their world. I may think that I come across a certain way, and they may think something completely different. But you don't really know until you ask. It is not about anyone being wrong or right, but simply gaining perspective on the self.

Interview questions:
1) What are my strengths?

2) What are my weaknesses?

3) What can you always count on me for?

4) What can you never count on me for?

5) Is there something about me that you wanted to tell me but never have? What is it? Why did you not want to tell me?

6) What color am I? Why?

7) What animal am I? Why?

First of all, I don't recommend doing this unless you are really open to hearing the bad news. I am doing a program called Landmark Education and over the course of the year I have acquired many tools that help me not hate my best friend when they tell me I can be naive and absent-minded.

I loved hearing what animal people thought of me as.

-Person interviewed: sister 1
-Animal / why: Peacock because I'm a show off!
*This was especially interesting to me. I may think that I am outgoing and entertaining (I am this way because when I make others laugh, it makes me happy), but to others I may come across as an attention seeker and a show-off. This doesn't mean that they are right or wrong, its just getting their perspective of you. Chances are if my sister thinks this of me, there may very well be others that think the same.

-Person interviewed: sister 2

-Animal / why: Magical creature because I'm crazy (I agree- but good crazy)

-Person interviewed: ex-boyfriend 1

-Animal / why: Zebra because I am so black/white, hot/cold, up/down

-Person interviewed: ex-boyfriend 2

-Animal / why: Bear because I am cuddly, loving and caring

-Person interviewed: friend

-Animal / why: Tropical tree top monkey because I am outgoing, enthusiastic, I'm a great listener and I am always there to help my friends when they need me by providing them a different perspective (from the Amazon tree tops!)

-Person interviewed: Daddy dearest

-Animal / why: St. Bernard dog because I am loyal and gentle (awwwwwwwww)

Weaknesses. OMG. Now see, I prepped myself so mentally well for the weaknesses I was like: "Ok, I'm ready! I got my bulletproof vest on. Lay it on me!". The funny thing was that there would never be more than one weakness that they could list. And they weren't even that bad.

Weakness:
-Person interviewed: sister 1
-My weakness: non-observant because I can never find things even if it's right in front of me

-Person interviewed: sister 2
-My weakness: nothing because she can't think of any

-Person interviewed: dad
-My weakness: disorganized but only referring to my messy room

-Person interviewed: best friend

-My weakness: can't say no because I'm too nice

-Person interviewed: ex-boyfriend 2

-My weakness: lack of focus because I have too many goals & dreams in life!! (yay)

-My weakness: naive because I am too innocent and trusting

And then it really occurred to me. I am my own worst critic! And I know a lot of you (if not most) out there are just the same. I was like: "That's it????". I labelled myself as: critical, too blunt, too direct, perfectionist (which can be bad), too outgoing, workaholic, over-achieving academic, poor listener... the list went on and I was waiting for others to confirm this list- but they didn't. In that moment I let go of my list. I gained freedom of judgement of myself. I gained a new self.

How do you think you occur to others in your life? I bet it's not what you think!

The LOOOOVVVVEEEE Scale

2009-12-04T04:19:00.000-08:00

I was having a conversation with my friend. He asked me where do we draw the line between "like" and "love"; "dislike" and "hate". In what proportions do they occur. When does dislike turn into hate and when does like turn into love? I had to think about this one. I don't actually hate anyone or anything. Hate is such a strong word and I leave no room for it in my vocabulary. I don't even really dislike that many things.

I am currently doing my MBA and in relating this to my Managerial Economics course, when defining the probability of some occurrence, it is important to use a scale that is universal. We must use a scale that is comparable across different cultures, points of views, demographics and so on. So we use percentages from 0% to 100%. For example: I can say that I think it is 30% likely that occurrence X will happen.

So where do you draw the line between dislike and hate? As in, if dislike and hate were on one continuum, what are the proportions? After really thinking about it, I would say for me dislike would make up 100% leaving 0% for hate. Like I said, there is no room for H-A-T-E in my vocabulary.

As for like and love, at first I said like was equal to 20% and love was equal to 80%. In the sense that 80% of the time I am expressing true love for something or someone. Within the 80% bucket, I love my mom 100%. The 20% "liking" is reserved for things that I don't LOVE but I do like:

-I like tomatoes
-I like runners
-I like forks (I love spoons)
-I like banjos
-I like soothers

But then he asked me to consider that all things come from a place of love. In the sense that there is no "like" but only "love". 100%. All things come from love, just at varying intensities. If someone holds open the door for you, this act of kindness stems from love. You may not know them, but their actions project love for another being at some level or another.

So in the end, there is only love.

(I LOVE forks)x(0.20)

What is your LOOOOVVVVEEEE scale?

Peace : Presence : Love

2009-12-04T02:18:00.000-08:00

I feel that I have grown so much in the last few years. I thought that it might be nice to document my growth and change over time. This is sort of my way of plotting my life on an X and Y axis. The function and variables that define me have become clearer- yet I know that in life I will be continuously learning and thus steepening the slopes of the tangent lines to my curve of life. I know, I am a geek. But we all are.

I invite you to read my not-so-secret diary. Really I write this to provoke thought, inspire others, create relatedness. We are all linked by a common breathe. I invite you to see yourself in my writing and think about how it applies to you. Feel free to comment or share your own experiences and thoughts. Today I want to share with you a letter I wrote to a friend:

It has been some time since we have spoken. I am sorry I haven't been in touch with you. Today I felt sad. Then I remembered who I am and what I stand for. Who I am in this world is undying selfelessness. So there is no need for me to feel sad for myself as it only feeds my own ego. Now instead I feel inspired so I decided to write you as I knew you would get it.

My Opa passed last week. He died in my arms. I held his hand and watched his soul leave his body. I am so priviledged that he chose me. In Hindu religion, they believe that if a loved one dies in your presence, their soul will come back as your child. If this is the case, I will be so honored that his legacy will continue as I will have an enlightened child with an old soul. He was a very spiritual man and I am so lucky to have been able to receive so much contribution from him over my lifetime. He devoted his life to enriching others' lives, ridding ego, creating peace, spreading positive energy.

More than ever do I feel that I was born for a big purpose. I was meant to be so much bigger than what I see myself as. Not in the sense of ego, but through devotion and giving. I really do feel that I can make a difference in this world for humanity, for all living creatures.

Love always,

Stef